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EARTHLING · 29 April 2006, 05:30 AM

The viewing figures after the first extract were 40 and though not excessive encouraged the second excerpt from ‘Air Story. The viewing figures then rose to 52 by 10.00p.m. GMT.; but soared to a massive 66 when the antipodes bestirred themselves and there was a succinct but welcome intervention from Cobby.
Encouraged by having received no abuse I set out below a further extract replete with annotations for our American cousins.

Note:
Paxton and Lacey were fellow pupils at Sherbourne, a British Public School. This means of course that whilst originally a charitable institution it now admitted only the progeny of the wealthy with the occasional scholarship for the intellectual peasant and bursaries for the bright pupil. Bursaries being a form of cash discount (fee reduction) to encourage the intelligent to attend the school in order to prevent it being dominated by the intellectually challenged. Paxton is 19 patriotic, very brave but dim or to put it another way foolhardy and not very bright. Lacey on the other hand is shrewd, and intelligent but with no desire to take a commission and fight for King and Country.
I must emphasise that these words are mine and for Robinson’s now read on:

“Boy Binns chucked a bucket of water at Paxton, so he dived into the pool and cruised underwater until his outstretched fingers touched the other side. He came up to see Corporal Lacey looking down at him.
“Circumcision is clearly a hallmark of the British middle class,” Lacey said, “I make the vote fourteen to three in favour of the amendment, with one member indecisive.”
Paxton climbed out. ”What about you?”
“Oh, quite, quite conventional. As an infant I shut my eyes and thought of England, or at least the Home Counties, while the surgeon’s knife made the supreme sacrifice. So I suppose you could say I did my bit for my country. Not a very big bit but—“
“Look here,” Paxton said, “I really don’t care, so if that’s all you came to tell me…..”
“I wondered if you’d mind witnessing Rufus Milne’s will.”(previous CO).
Paxton dried his hands on a towel, took the document, and glanced through it before he fully understood what Lacey had said. “How on earth can I witness his will? The man’s dead. There’s no signature here. He hasn’t signed it.”
“A detail. To be added later.”
Paxton turned a page. “One thousand pounds to the Golden Sunset Donkey Sanctuary, Taunton Somerset,” he said.
“Milne was very fond of donkeys.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“A generous gesture. It will be much appreciated.”
“You’ve faked this, haven’t you? It’s all a cheat.”
“Nothing of the sort. It’s all perfectly valid. I spent two years in the family law office, you know.” He took the will back. “My mother’s sister Maud, set up the Golden Sunset Donkey Sanctuary. She does splendid work, but funding is an endless headache…. Oh well, if you won’t witness it I shall have to find someone else.”
“You’ll never get away with this.”
“I always have. Toby Chivers, for instance, left five thousand to the Leeds and District Society for Unmarried Mothers. That’s my cousin Harriet’s main interest in life.”
“I think I’ll turn you over to the police.”
“In that case I shan’t tell you about the equipment for the tennis courts that I’ve just got hold of.”
“Ah,” Paxton was quite good at tennis. It would be nice to be squadron tennis champion. “Nets and stuff, eh? We ought to find a nice level bit of grass.”
“I’ve found one. Perfectly level, no slope, but it’s got a few bumps.”
“We need a roller, then.”
“We need a company of infantry. There’s a battalion in camp behind the church who seem keen on drill. Why don’t you ask them to come and march up and down on our tennis court? Take a box of cigars with you.” (Paxton has an uncle who keeps sending supplies of cigars. Lacey uses them to acquire things.)
“All right.” Paxton looked at Lacey and shared in the warm glow of the Public School Spirit. “Hell’s bells, what the devil, give me your pen,” he said, and witnessed the will. “It can’t be illegal,” he said, “because I’m not actually witnessing anything, am I?”
“You know, it’s time you put your own affairs in order,” Lacey said, “I’ll draft something for you to look at.”

29 April 2006, 05:30 AM	#4 (permalink)
EARTHLING Two-seater Pilot Join Date: Aug 2001 Posts: 153	WAR STORY (Continued) The viewing figures after the first extract were 40 and though not excessive encouraged the second excerpt from ‘Air Story. The viewing figures then rose to 52 by 10.00p.m. GMT.; but soared to a massive 66 when the antipodes bestirred themselves and there was a succinct but welcome intervention from Cobby. Encouraged by having received no abuse I set out below a further extract replete with annotations for our American cousins. Note: Paxton and Lacey were fellow pupils at Sherbourne, a British Public School. This means of course that whilst originally a charitable institution it now admitted only the progeny of the wealthy with the occasional scholarship for the intellectual peasant and bursaries for the bright pupil. Bursaries being a form of cash discount (fee reduction) to encourage the intelligent to attend the school in order to prevent it being dominated by the intellectually challenged. Paxton is 19 patriotic, very brave but dim or to put it another way foolhardy and not very bright. Lacey on the other hand is shrewd, and intelligent but with no desire to take a commission and fight for King and Country. I must emphasise that these words are mine and for Robinson’s now read on: “Boy Binns chucked a bucket of water at Paxton, so he dived into the pool and cruised underwater until his outstretched fingers touched the other side. He came up to see Corporal Lacey looking down at him. “Circumcision is clearly a hallmark of the British middle class,” Lacey said, “I make the vote fourteen to three in favour of the amendment, with one member indecisive.” Paxton climbed out. ”What about you?” “Oh, quite, quite conventional. As an infant I shut my eyes and thought of England, or at least the Home Counties, while the surgeon’s knife made the supreme sacrifice. So I suppose you could say I did my bit for my country. Not a very big bit but—“ “Look here,” Paxton said, “I really don’t care, so if that’s all you came to tell me…..” “I wondered if you’d mind witnessing Rufus Milne’s will.”(previous CO). Paxton dried his hands on a towel, took the document, and glanced through it before he fully understood what Lacey had said. “How on earth can I witness his will? The man’s dead. There’s no signature here. He hasn’t signed it.” “A detail. To be added later.” Paxton turned a page. “One thousand pounds to the Golden Sunset Donkey Sanctuary, Taunton Somerset,” he said. “Milne was very fond of donkeys.” “I don’t believe it.” “A generous gesture. It will be much appreciated.” “You’ve faked this, haven’t you? It’s all a cheat.” “Nothing of the sort. It’s all perfectly valid. I spent two years in the family law office, you know.” He took the will back. “My mother’s sister Maud, set up the Golden Sunset Donkey Sanctuary. She does splendid work, but funding is an endless headache…. Oh well, if you won’t witness it I shall have to find someone else.” “You’ll never get away with this.” “I always have. Toby Chivers, for instance, left five thousand to the Leeds and District Society for Unmarried Mothers. That’s my cousin Harriet’s main interest in life.” “I think I’ll turn you over to the police.” “In that case I shan’t tell you about the equipment for the tennis courts that I’ve just got hold of.” “Ah,” Paxton was quite good at tennis. It would be nice to be squadron tennis champion. “Nets and stuff, eh? We ought to find a nice level bit of grass.” “I’ve found one. Perfectly level, no slope, but it’s got a few bumps.” “We need a roller, then.” “We need a company of infantry. There’s a battalion in camp behind the church who seem keen on drill. Why don’t you ask them to come and march up and down on our tennis court? Take a box of cigars with you.” (Paxton has an uncle who keeps sending supplies of cigars. Lacey uses them to acquire things.) “All right.” Paxton looked at Lacey and shared in the warm glow of the Public School Spirit. “Hell’s bells, what the devil, give me your pen,” he said, and witnessed the will. “It can’t be illegal,” he said, “because I’m not actually witnessing anything, am I?” “You know, it’s time you put your own affairs in order,” Lacey said, “I’ll draft something for you to look at.”