Modeling Health 401

[StephenLawson]

Greetings all: It was bound to happen. I am now being pressed to do a class on Modelers Mental Health....(Where's that cloak of invisibility when I need it?!)

Oh my young Karl. It is indeed good to hear from you after all these years. Your stain in the carpet reminds us here at Tiny Bits and AMS of your time with us. We still remember when you arrived all those years back. Driving that Mini Minor painted in PC 10 and that roundel on the roof. We knew you would fit in here. Such devotion has never been shown since to the ways of AMS as by you and that tiny car. Driving all the way here. Hamid has in fact covered the stain with CA so as to preserve it.

So you still have that plate in your behind. Well you did get carried away one night and sat down on that Neil’s 1/29.75 scale Gotha. He just never understood why I stuck my foot out and tripped you up. But these things happen when you are working in such, shudder, large scale.

Anytime you would like to come back I will welcome you back into my room and also allow you to teach the new disciples in the gentle art of AMS. Your tiny bits are more than welcome here. :-*

Aunty,
* * * *come away from that naughty computer. You know how it upsets you so.

Now, lets have a nice cup of tea and maybe a biscuit, and then we'll have a nice little chat about those interesting pictures and documents you got from that terrible Mr Hussein. I'm sure we can find someone who would like to buy them. Then, maybe you could go on another nice cruise, perhaps purchase another modelling institute.

* * Yes, I know dear, such a frightening moustache.

Hello Pet, How are you?

I say Pet men with hair on their upper lips make far better model makers. Do you have a hairy lip?

I have been on to many a cruise now. Most of the time I am running courses on how to use your Tiny Bits late at night in the model room. Wives don't like it when I take their husbands away for a few hours of personal instruction.

[NeilE]

Well....like an unstaked Vampire, Dymphna rises from her crypt and reveals herself to her transfixed victims fangs and all.

Unluckily for you M.O.D.E.L is solvent and controlled by me, the sole trustee of the Estate of The Good Herr Doktor Von Humbrol.

You old tart, I'm not ashamed of spying for The Good Herr Doktor Von Humbrol, I did it for humanity!

I shall never forget hiow your ballast tanks sagged when you were working on my U-364 submarine. it fair made me want to gag.

Has Ramon tired of you yet? You ought to be ashamed of yourself.

I bet the photos and secret files you got from Saddam aren't the "strictly personal" photos of you, Saddam, three of his sons and a Rhode Island Red that we received in the mail from a friendly U2 pilot the other day. Lucky for us we cured had him some time ago from the nightmares he was suffering from using your Teeny Tiny Parts 1/144 cockpit detailing sets.

I'm sure MI5 would like to have a look at them. In fact once they do get a look at them, your next holiday will be in Holloway!

We know you still have a vital volume of The Good Herr Doktor's memoirs in your possession. We are giving you the opportunity to return this priceless item before the photos go to MI5.

Beware Dymphna we have an announcement soon that will send you packing on a tramp steamer (how apt!) to some obscure South American Republic in next to no time.

You have been warned

Awaiting Your Reply

Neil
Director
M.O.D.E.L.

PS: Karl Otto, you should be ashamed of yourself, she's old enough to be your Grandmother! (Watch out for that rash!)

Neil Neil Neil, I thought you had forgotten about Herr Dokto’rs memoirs. They have been in my possession for many a good year now. At one stage they ever helped prop up my model making desk. That’s shows how much I respect this book of that heretics writing. I see that the plans for the 1/32 model of the new Sydney Harbour Bridge are in this book too. I can see where Stephen Lawson gets his ideas from now. He too must have been a student of the Doktor. BAH!

Written instructions on posture. What rubbish. The Doktor also advised that the use of an Optivisor when using tiny parts. OH THAT MAN MAKES MY BLOOD BOIL WITH SUCH TOWDEL!!

Hang on what’s this then? A piece of paper has fallen out from the spin of the diary. Foldeed up very small so as to be hidden. I have never seen this before. It looks very official. It has a Government stamp on it and a Hospital’s name. Well wouldn’t you know it. The Doktor isn’t that sweet innocent fellow you all think he is.

This would seem to be a Birth Certificate. It has the Doktor named as the father of…. No I can’t reveal who the child is. Not yet. Dymphna, you wicked old girl what we have here can change the history of model making. I think Neil_E would be very interested in this Birth Certificate. Wouldn’t you Neil_E?!

Hmmmmm…..

[RLWP]

Aunty dear,
please stop these naughty postings. You know how much it upsets the rest of the family. Also, there is a certain Military Gentleman here from Whitehall who is very keen to find out your current whereabouts. He is muttering things about your promise about your memoirs, and the Official Secrets Act.

Richard

Ramon is starting to pine without you...

[Karl Otto]

My dear Dymphna, your memory is slightly awry. I still have my little Luftblasewagen but it is not exactly as you appear to remember it. I know you asked that I never mention his name in your presence again, but I wonder could you be thinking of the mysterious W.A.B. of whom you spoke so often.

[StephenLawson]

Alright class settle down: *I go to the w.c. and when I come back everyone has visions of grandure. *Ms. Dymphna put your skirt down and return to your seat madame. Karl Otto put that away! *Richard your left eyebrow is in my drinking water. *Neil_E the nurse has your afternoon medication ready.

Pop Quiz: How much ventilation is adequate? *'...This does not mean *two open doors or an open window and a door. *A good rule of thumb is that if there is someone else in the building that can smell the odor of your chemicals, its NOT adequate...'(credit to Ross Martinek.) *Few of our chemicals don't have an odor because the manufacturer adds odor agents to warn users that the chemical is present. *

The Laws of Modeling 101 rule #14. Lacquer thinner odors can be smelled by your family members from the basement through a solid core door.

[RLWP]

Sorree Mister Lawson.

Mutter, mutter, grumble grumble....

[Barker]

I humbly, mind, humbly ('we're not worthy') posit this criteria (for adequate ventilation):

As soon as the modeler can't smell him/herself, it's, well, adequate.

As I understand it, some modeler's humours can penetrate steel doors. Firedoors, perhaps not, but steel doors, definitely.

Extra credit: how many seconds does the human olfactory nerve retain a specific scent?

Bonus: Why does the human nose have a factory in it in first place and secondly, isn't a factory usually an environmental hazard, in any case?