Laws of Modeling 101

[Ross_Moorhouse]

Cat whiskers work great for rigging. *But it takes awhile to collect enough.

So how many fights have you had with the cat to get its whiskers???

[NeilE]

Dear Neil Director Glencoe Institiute,

I need your help,

I have found that I have super glued a few plastic bits from one of my kits to my forehead. People laugh at me as i walk down the street because I have the top wing of a Roden Alb D.II and one half of the fueslage of the old Airfix DrI stuck to my ear lobe.


What can I do about these people?

Please help as I am getting afraid to go out doors. Also I have found that the fumes from the super glue have changed the way I look. My hair has started to fall out and I want to move North.

Dear Mr Moorhouse;

Yours sounds like a very sad case. In fact you have what we refer to as a dual disability. Let me address these individually.

Firstly, the unfortunate adhering of plastic parts to your person. Whilst this condition is rare it is not unknown. We call it Lydon's Syndrome, sometimes known as "Johnny Rotten's Disease". What is happening here is that in your battle with AMS, you have difficulty completing the models you set out to build. This makes frustrated and angry. Your anger becomes subliminated into anger at the modelling community whom you blame for your feeling this way, and you experience a sub-conscious urge to rebel against the structures and norms of the modelling community.

Rather than sticking model parts together to complete the project, you stick them to yourself, and are parading around the streets as an unconscious act of rebellion. This is akin to the Stooges entry posted by my good self earlier in this thread.

Solutions? Unfortunately, there is little hope in the short term. Long term you have two options. Firstly, gather up all your incomplete kits. Put them in a parcel and send them here to The Institute. We can use them as therapeutic tools.

Then take one unbuilt kit, and put it on your desk. One night start to build it. When you have had enough put it away. Then another time take it out again build some more. Do this until the kit is completed. Under no circumstances think about another kit until the first one is completed. Generally speaking, the further you get into the kit the more your unconscious rage should disappear. By the completion of the kit you should be feeling quite happy and with no new plastic parts attached to your person.

If this doesn't work, join a punk band. They should appreciate your weird form of body decoration and give you the acceptance you crave.

Now your second disability...Research here at The Institute suggests you are suffering from an extremely serious condition. One which if it became public, would cause panic throughout the modelling community and threaten the hobby to its very core. However, I am unable to say more about your condition as big business has joined with Government and all work on our project has been halted now that it is a classified subject. We are not even allowed to mention its name because of this.

In fact two of our research scientists on The Project have disappeared. Both were starting to show signs of an advanced case of The Condition before their disappearance.

All I can stay to you is stop using Superglue immediately. Try liquid cement, or that Revell Glue - or even Herr Doktor Von Humbrol's modelling glue - but no CA and certainly no kicker! I just hope its not too late to prevent an advanced case of the Syndrome.

All the Best

Neil
Director
Glencoe Institute
BSSc, BSW, MA Psych Airfix University.

[NeilE]

Richard;

Do you think there is any truth to the rumour that your Great Aunt Dymphna was the infamous Madame Dymphova who so inflamed Lenin's passions, leading to the storming of the Winter Palace, and who was taught acrobatic piano accordion by the Ukranian Anachist leader Nestor Mahkno?

Madame Dymphova's role in the Russian Civil War is very shadowy. Herr Doktor Von Humbrol alludes to the above incidents and others in his unpublished personal diary.

All the Best

Neil
Director
Glencoe Institute
etc etc.

[stringbags4ever2]

To Stevereno:

The thirst for further knowledge is never quenched. Let the next course commence.

To Neil:

Can I ghostwrite your history of Herr Doktor Humbrol and Great Aunt Dymphna? It would be a best selling tome, and I can use the dough....

[NeilE]

Pete;

Herr Doktor Von Humbrol's memoirs are held here at The Institute and are copywrited. Beside's they are not that interesting to the layperson. How many times can you read about his enjoyment of cheese kruntzes and swiss coffee and not get bored?

As to great Aunt Dymphna, you'd better ask her relative, Richard, about this. Her fling with the good Doktor was only a small episode really. much more interesting was her relationship with Albert Ball and the chicken....

All the Best
Neil
Director
etc.etc.

[topgun56]

This tread is getting better and better.

I usually wait for the whiskers to fall out.

If I could only use cat hair. Does cat hair make your carpet last longer.

A later of cat hair does keep the clear coat from yellowing.

[NeilE]

Cat hair!

I have two cats and have a constant battle with cat hair which appears in all the wrong places... attached to glued parts... attached to paint work, in the future topcoat...

However, we at The Institute have developed a simple solution (Apart from treating your beloved Moggies with hair remover such as NADS)....The solution is to get one of those big glass or plastic cake covers or the large glass/plastic lid of a cheese board and use this to cover your model as it dries. It works a treat and is just one more unsung and unrewarded service by The Glencoe Institute to the modelling community.

Further to this we at The Institute have done some intensive reasearch into cat behaviour and models. We found that despite their cutesy ways cats actually hate models. As well as the hair problem - our tests show 62% of all cat fur is deliberately shed - how many times has pussy wrecked that much loved recent project by jumping on it, or has been found batting the wee small parts around the modelling room floor? The reason for this is that cats hate models. Well, maybe not models themselves but the act of modelling which leads to precious attention being directed away from pussy and onto little plastic pieces.

Our studies also found that 86% of problem pussies belong to AMS sufferers who spend even less time with their pets than the average modeller.

I guess the only solution is to spend more time with pussy regularly so as to avoid these cat revenge tactics.

I wonder if this works with our womenfolk too?

All the Best

Neil
Director Glencoe Institiute
etc. etc.

[topgun56]

Replying is very difficult for the laughing.

My cats don't settle for the small parts. While one chews on the wings the other tries to majke the big parts fly. Painting, camo with cat hair.

Models, too many (toys) was the reason my pussy went back to Korea. Her hair was really better for rigging...so long.

The cake cover does not work for spouses. Unless you have a death wish. See above.

Plane tickets are cheaper.

[stringbags4ever2]

My joy is almost complete. Within two weeks, modeling Nirvana shall again be mine. Within two weeks, my new Waterloo workbench will arrive from Home Depot with steel frame, heavy duty top, overhead dual flourescent lights, and power strip, and drawers for everything. Then the models will come fast and furious.
My daughter has a cat, called Smokey. I call him "Fat Cat". Fat Cat fits Neil's description of a typical cat because he hates my models. But I fixed his wagon. All my inprocess stuff I have on little shelves amongst the cellar ceiling joits. He cannot attack my stuff there. And I've thrown enough of the fear of God into him that he doesn't come anywhere near me while I am building.

[topgun56]

Now I know my daughters stuff is gone, That workbench sound great.

What did you do, step on Smokey's tail?

Now he will never give up his whiskers. He will hide them in the yard.