need critique of fictional character

[jeff_streeby]

need a critique of technical information and wwi aviation terminology for the following fictional piece--

LeRoi “Ace” Evans
(1894-1920)

Dawn drew us,
that bloodthirsty b---h
and the gory goddess Glory, her sister-witch,
and like moths, flame-fascinated, which,
forgetful of self and life and breath,
fly into beauty, that place of fiery death,
we flew on.

Her rose flush
sobered and roused us
and in the first fiery golden glare and gush of sunrise
our fair machines housed us light as gods.
Heaven espoused us
and on twin sun-spangled wings, we rose up wary and wise,
hunting the clatter and rough crush of battle,
forgetful of self and life and breath,
into the bright blue place of death.

Day after day I touched the Vickers trigger of my SE 5A,
year after year let fly the flashing lethal fountain of lead spray
from the Lewis gun,
did what had to be done,
the work of war,
won what had to be won,
and gained glory by it, duty’s glittering w---e.
Staring savage and grim-eyed over my gunsights,
I saw my foemen,
their faces frantic in flames,
faces furious and afraid,
framed between planes of blazing canvas;
fliers falling, falling in fire
like moths falling maimed and immolated,
falling beautiful as stars through that long sad arc down,
as beautiful as Lucifer’s lost host must have looked, falling from grace,
falling, falling into darkness from the high, bright place of sunlight and death,
all hopelessness and all anger there in the last ghastly glare of dying eyes
and flame and pain and smoke in the last breath.
And each and each and each imperfect infant Phoenix failed to rise
immortal and golden from the ashes to soar the skies again.

Then Peace.

An Ace, I, at the Armistice—
twelve Albatross D II’s,
five balloons,
eighteen Fokker D VII’s,
eight Hannovers,
seven LVG C’s,
four Pfalz D III’s,
four SSD’s,

Fifty-nine victories of several sorts,
one an Austro-Hungarian Ace in a Hansa-Brandenburg DI
outpaced in the dive, a Baron, wounded,
forced down behind our lines and captured alive.

At the end, I owned war honors and renown—
the MM,
the MC with two bars,
the DSO with bar,
the DFC
and the Victoria Cross.

It was a long way to Tipperary.
As soon as the war started,
I had quit the ranch and rode up to Alberta
to join the Canadian Mounted Rifles.
Eventually, though I had no FAI ticket,
I was seconded to the suicide club in 1916
and transferred into the Royal Flying Corps a Captain.
After the War, I came back to the States,
bought a surplus Jenny for $200
and barnstormed the country.
I came home to Sunday Creek for a visit at last
to show off my medals and my skills
and to see who else had got out of it alive.

Giving rides to home town folks for $1.00 apiece,
I went down in flames when a fuel line burst.
My passenger, my uncle Billy Wade the ranchman, did not survive.

I am Icarus.
I have seen dawn,
that deadly siren out of whom the day springs.
I know the sky’s labyrinthine ways.
These wings I wear were not my father’s wings.
These are silk, they are not wax, they came to me from kings,
and they name me “Hero” until the end of days.


LeRoi Evans (1894-1920)
notes:
This character is based on the capsule biographies of several World War I Fighter Aces, especially Captain William Carpenter Lambert, an American who flew for the Royal Flying Corps and the Royal Air Force and on Edward Corringham “Mick” Mannock, a British Ace killed in action July 26, 1918, near Lestrem, France. http://www.theaerodrome.com/aces/usa/lambert.html
http://www.theaerodrome.com/aces/england/mannock.html
The “Austro-Hungarian Ace” is based on Godwin Brumowski and on the Prussian Ace Joachim von Bertrab. Von Bertrab was shot down by Mannock August 12, 1917.
http://www.theaerodrome.com/aces/germany/bertrab.html

Aircraft
SE 5a “Scout Experimental 5”—The SE 5a entered service in 1917. Many pilots preferred it to the dangerous Sopwith Camel.
http://www.theaerodrome.com/aircraft...n/raf_se5.html
Hannover—The Hannover CLIIIa entered German service in early 1918.
http://www.theaerodrome.com/aircraft...er_cliiia.html
SSD “Siemans-Shuckert DIII and DIV”— The SSD was considered superior to the Fokker DVII.
http://www.theaerodrome.com/aircraft...emens_div.html
LVG C II— Luft-Verkehrs Gesellschaft Type II, a two-seater fighter, entered service in 1915 replacing the Type CI. In November of 1916, an LVG CII dropped six 22-lb. bombs on Victoria Staion in London.
http://www.theaerodrome.com/aircraft...y/lvg_cii.html
Pfalz DIII— The Pfalz DIII was first deployed in August 1917. It was employed primarily against observation balloons.
http://www.theaerodrome.com/aircraft...falz_diii.html
Fokker DVII— Generally regarded as the best German airplane of the war, this aircraft entered service in the spring of 1918. One of the first pilots to fly the DVII in combat was Hermann Goering.
http://www.theaerodrome.com/aircraft...kker_dvii.html
Albatross DII— This plane entered service in January, 1917. Manfred von Richtofen was among the first to be issued this aircraft.
http://www.theaerodrome.com/aircraft...tros_diii.html
Hansa-Brandenburg DI— This aircraft was designed by Ernst Heinkel. This was the preferred aircraft of Austro-Hungarian Ace Godwin Brumowski.
http://www.theaerodrome.com/aircraft.../hansa_di.html

Military Decorations of Great Britain—
MM—The Military Medal—
http://www.theaerodrome.com/medals/gbritain/mm.php
MC—The Military Cross—
http://www.theaerodrome.com/medals/gbritain/mc.php
DSO—The Distinguished Service Order-- http://www.theaerodrome.com/medals/gbritain/dso.php
DFC-- The Distinguished Flying Cross—
http://www.theaerodrome.com/medals/gbritain/dfc.php
The Victoria Cross (Equivalent to the US Congressional Medal of Honor)
http://www.theaerodrome.com/medals/gbritain/vc.php

“the FAI ticket”-- “The certificate issued by the Federation Aeronautique Internationale (FAI). The FAI certificate was known universally as the ‘ticket.’”
RFC Pilot Training